1. Some breast modification surgery is mostly for health reasons; reduction improves back function, reduces back ache, etc. My sister-in-law was SO glad she had this.

2. Chandra: The comments are right. The problem is NOT YOU. Altering yourself won t help HIS problem. A woman could spend tons of money on surgery, look like a barbie doll, and it would not necessarily be what her mate thinks he wants. I hope your mate will be willing to get counseling for HIS sexual addiction. Blessings, sister.

3. Lindy: dear sister, believe me, you do not need to have a man to live a full and happy life. Perhaps it would be good if you concentrated on developing some interests of your own without gearing everything you are doing to trying to get a man to pay attention. Perhaps, a sport–tennis, golf, etc; or an activity–gardening, painting, etc; or a group–human rights committee, Red Cross, Toastmasters Club, YMCA board, etc. Concentrate on one or more of these, and give no thought to looking for a man. It goes without saying that when you don’t have to spend a lot of time on a man, you can improve the amount of time you can spend communicating with God and with your family. Think about it. God bless you.

You two are awesome, absolutely awesome.

I guess that it’s natural, as a woman, to feel in some way responsible for the fact that your husband gratified his sexual desire with pornographic images. But that is his responsibility not yours. The scripture is clear, as has already been quoted by JLP, that even to look on a woman with lust in your heart is sin. You say that he says he has repented. If so that’s wonderful but the proof of the depth of his repentance will be that he expects nothing more of you and will love you for who you are, not for what you might do to improve your sexual appearance. The risks of surgery have already been expressed, as has the various advantages and disadvantages of our inherited anatomical structure. As a male I’m with EGNightmare on the matter of what should turn a committed Christian man on, it’s the full person expressed in a woman’s mind, wit, charm, spirituality, character and personality, not just her body.

That is the truly degrading thing about pornography, it reduces a woman to being simply a sexual object and a means for anonymous gratification. It seems, or is said by some, to be harmless, or victimless but that is a lie of the devil. The people who allow themselves to be photographed and used by the pornographic industry are usually very mixed up people who have little hope of living a naturally fulfilling, loved filled life. The people who are addicted to pornography, if they happen to be married, can and do inflict their now twisted desires for sexual gratification on their partners to the destruction of mutual love and marriage. If users of porn are unmarried and seek to gratify their sexual appetite physically one can only guess where that can potentially lead. So the truth is that there are victims of porn almost everywhere and the over sexualization of society is the obvious evidence.

The sad reality is Chandra that you now have become one such victim yourself because you are made to feel that you need to improve your physical appearance in order to satisfy your husband sexually. Even though he may not agree with that, and I would be very interested to know what his actual feelings are, you have been left with that feeling. I can only reiterate, the problem is his. You didn’t make him view pornography. Somehow, through whatever means or opportunity he allowed himself to get caught up in it. He should be eternally grateful that you have sought to understand him and welcome him to remain in the marriage. He should be doing lovingly everything possible to show his love, faithfulness and total commitment to you as the person you are.

Chandra….even if it was not your husband’s intention to put the responsibility on you, that is what has happened. It is an oft-repeated scenario where somehow the ‘innocent’ partner feels that somehow it must be their fault or feels inferior in some way. Please don’t listen to that lie – as has already been said, we are all responsible for our own thoughts and actions.

This situation is also indicative of the thought that somehow it is the woman’s responsibility to keep the marriage intact through whatever means rather than both people ‘caring enough to confront’ while loving unconditionally.

Chandra: Don’t even think about plastic surgery because of your husband’s problems. The problem isn’t you. He has an addiction, he needs to deal with it, and nothing you do will make him better.

Sadly, the traditionalist/complementarian church is cruel to women whose husbands have problems. Women are told to endure beatings when husbands have anger problems. Women are the ones who must risk their health if husbands are unfaithful and bring home an STD. Women are told to change to make their husbands better men. Wrong on ALL counts. Men and women must be held to the same high standard of accountability. Forcing one to change when the other has the problem is as useless and nonsensical as operating on an arm when a patient has a broken leg.

Thank you so much for sharing, that was beautiful!