Comments on: Egalitarian Marriages Are Happier and Healthier http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/ Blog voices from Christians for Biblical Equality Tue, 6 Jan 2009 20:23:11 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Jon Trott http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/comment-page-1/#comment-6408 Jon Trott Mon, 21 Aug 2006 20:56:22 +0000 http://blog.cbeinternational.org/?p=68#comment-6408 Thank you all for posting this. It is an easy and fairly thorough way to offer "evidence" re mutuality vs. "one-way submission" models of marriage. I've used it already more than once to quiet those who tell me it is wrong to link hierarchy teachings w/ abuse. Blessings, Jon Trott Thank you all for posting this. It is an easy and fairly thorough way to offer “evidence” re mutuality vs. “one-way submission” models of marriage. I’ve used it already more than once to quiet those who tell me it is wrong to link hierarchy teachings w/ abuse.

Blessings,
Jon Trott

]]> By: Brad http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/comment-page-1/#comment-5996 Brad Tue, 15 Aug 2006 14:50:43 +0000 http://blog.cbeinternational.org/?p=68#comment-5996 I think that the conclusions that hierarchical marriages are not as happy just because they are hierarchical is not necessarily correct. I think that the incorrect interpretation and application of the hierarchical view has caused plenty of damage - and continues to make marriages miserable. But to say that these marriages are not happy because they are hierarchical, or that the former are happy because they are egalitarian is not necessarily accurate. Be careful with statistics. I think that the conclusions that hierarchical marriages are not as happy just because they are hierarchical is not necessarily correct. I think that the incorrect interpretation and application of the hierarchical view has caused plenty of damage - and continues to make marriages miserable. But to say that these marriages are not happy because they are hierarchical, or that the former are happy because they are egalitarian is not necessarily accurate. Be careful with statistics.

]]> By: P.S. http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/comment-page-1/#comment-5642 P.S. Thu, 10 Aug 2006 03:10:50 +0000 http://blog.cbeinternational.org/?p=68#comment-5642 Yes, let's make sure this information gets out! Yes, let’s make sure this information gets out!

]]> By: TeriLynn http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/comment-page-1/#comment-5358 TeriLynn Sun, 06 Aug 2006 23:36:51 +0000 http://blog.cbeinternational.org/?p=68#comment-5358 "A recent study quantified these results revealing that over 80% of egalitarian marriages are happy while less than 20% of traditional marriages can say the same. That represents over a 4:1 ratio in favor of egalitarian marriages. Spousal abuse continues to be more than 300 percent higher in traditional marriages than in egalitarian marriages." An amazing revelation but not surprising at all. I would love to see these figures get as public as possible. And then maybe those husbands and wives who have been pinching themselves into the traditional authority/follower regime that they do not fit, will make audible sighs of relief and readjust their marriage so that it works for both of them. If a marriage only works for one of the partners, then it isn't working, because the other is merely allowing themselves to be used. And that is not marriage as God would have it. “A recent study quantified these results revealing that over 80% of egalitarian marriages are happy while less than 20% of traditional marriages can say the same. That represents over a 4:1 ratio in favor of egalitarian marriages. Spousal abuse continues to be more than 300 percent higher in traditional marriages than in egalitarian marriages.”

An amazing revelation but not surprising at all. I would love to see these figures get as public as possible. And then maybe those husbands and wives who have been pinching themselves into the traditional authority/follower regime that they do not fit, will make audible sighs of relief and readjust their marriage so that it works for both of them. If a marriage only works for one of the partners, then it isn’t working, because the other is merely allowing themselves to be used. And that is not marriage as God would have it.

]]> By: SingingOwl http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/comment-page-1/#comment-5034 SingingOwl Tue, 01 Aug 2006 17:56:18 +0000 http://blog.cbeinternational.org/?p=68#comment-5034 Makes perfect sense to me. And Sally, well said! My experience has been pretty much that way as well. Makes perfect sense to me. And Sally, well said! My experience has been pretty much that way as well.

]]> By: Kathryn http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/comment-page-1/#comment-4991 Kathryn Mon, 31 Jul 2006 20:08:21 +0000 http://blog.cbeinternational.org/?p=68#comment-4991 As a former comp. myself, I say thank you ladies. You are such an inspiration, as are your husbands. God bless each of you. As a former comp. myself, I say thank you ladies. You are such an inspiration, as are your husbands. God bless each of you.

]]> By: Lori http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/comment-page-1/#comment-4984 Lori Mon, 31 Jul 2006 12:27:41 +0000 http://blog.cbeinternational.org/?p=68#comment-4984 Thank you for this excellent entry! I had heard people say before that egalitarian marriages were happier, but I didn't know there was solid evidence to back it up. I've never been married to a comp., so I can't comment on what it's like. However, I was raised in very conservative, comp. culture. I am SO glad that the Lord gave me an egal. man for my husband. I literally thank God for that incredible blessing. He has absolutely no problem with me excercising my spiritual gifts however the Lord leads me. In fact, he was the one who suggested I study for the ministry because he thought I was gifted in that area! Compared to how stifled I felt growing up in a comp. church, I now feel such a blessed relief in my marriage and in the fact that we attend an egal. church. In fact, yesterday my husband and I both preached at our local church, myself in the morning and him in the evening! Thank you for this excellent entry! I had heard people say before that egalitarian marriages were happier, but I didn’t know there was solid evidence to back it up.

I’ve never been married to a comp., so I can’t comment on what it’s like. However, I was raised in very conservative, comp. culture. I am SO glad that the Lord gave me an egal. man for my husband. I literally thank God for that incredible blessing. He has absolutely no problem with me excercising my spiritual gifts however the Lord leads me. In fact, he was the one who suggested I study for the ministry because he thought I was gifted in that area! Compared to how stifled I felt growing up in a comp. church, I now feel such a blessed relief in my marriage and in the fact that we attend an egal. church. In fact, yesterday my husband and I both preached at our local church, myself in the morning and him in the evening!

]]> By: sally http://blog.cbeinternational.org/2006/07/egalitarian-marriages-are-happier-and-healthier/comment-page-1/#comment-4899 sally Sun, 30 Jul 2006 09:05:20 +0000 http://blog.cbeinternational.org/?p=68#comment-4899 My marriage has been so much better since I stopped trying to bend over backwards for my husband. Now I see Christ-like love in a far more long-term way. Rather than think 'what is the submissive thing to do right at this moment?' I ask myself, "What in the long run will be better for him and for me and for our relationship?" We both know that we would prefer personal and spiritual growth over one of us giving in. And more often than not growth does not come except through saying hard things and setting and keeping boundaries. My trying hard to be submissive led to repressed resentment and anger, and an attitude of non-truth in our marriage, because I could never speak what I truly thought or felt. He would prefer me to be more honest and often more belligerantly boisterous but happier, than sweet and giving on the surface but unhappy and angry underneath. My marriage has been so much better since I stopped trying to bend over backwards for my husband. Now I see Christ-like love in a far more long-term way. Rather than think ‘what is the submissive thing to do right at this moment?’ I ask myself, “What in the long run will be better for him and for me and for our relationship?”

We both know that we would prefer personal and spiritual growth over one of us giving in. And more often than not growth does not come except through saying hard things and setting and keeping boundaries.

My trying hard to be submissive led to repressed resentment and anger, and an attitude of non-truth in our marriage, because I could never speak what I truly thought or felt. He would prefer me to be more honest and often more belligerantly boisterous but happier, than sweet and giving on the surface but unhappy and angry underneath.

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