I have been a christian for 17yrs and noticed the oppressive attitudes towards women in ministry and in marriage. It was very discouraging, because on the inside, I knew that this discrimination was wrong, but not having a response almost left me a prey, but it was these trials that forced me deeper into God’s Word for His truth.

I believe in the commands of Christ to “love the Lord your God and your neighbor as yourself”, godly qualified women in ministry, and mutual love and respect in marriage, but I do have to voice a concern that I have. If a husband and wife begin to have children and the wife feels that the role of nurturing children is oppressive and is a part of the “patriarchal” belief system, then I believe we have sent a dangerous message to women.

The world sends the message that materialism = success, but the fruit has been chaos.

I hope there is a balanced message here at CBE.

Mark Driscoll’s “Mars Hill Church Seattle” has zero association with Rob Bell’s “Mars Hill Bible Church” in Michigan. The name similarity is coincidental.

However it is easy to get confused since both are young pastors who planted churches that absolutely boomed. Both engage with culture, stress innovation and are sought-after speakers. Both are working hard to channel the huge growth of their churches into service to the surrounding community.

Driscoll is a conservative Reformed complementarian whereas Bell is from Wheaton College and Fuller Seminary. I have never heard Bell talk or write about his views on women in ministry but all signs point to him being an egalitarian.

Driscoll writes this week in a blog post addressing the Salon article entitled “It’s Always Something at Mars Hill Church” that:

Apparently, I am Rob Bell’s evil doppelganger [evil twin], which I guess is true, but deciding which one of us is in fact the evil one would depend on whether you are a theological liberal or conservative.

http://theresurgence.com/md_blog_2006-09-19_its_always_something_at_mars_hill_church

I don’t even want to _think_ about what would have happened if we’d been married! *shudders* A marriage could never have lasted under those circumstances. Either I would have been forced back into ungodly subservience, or I’d have had to get out and live under church condemnation because of his behavior. (He had become a danger to himself at one point, and indirectly would have been a danger to me if we had been married.) Of course, either way, all the problems would have been “my” fault. (Yeah, like I could have caused his behavior problems before we ever met, much less made him change.)

Unilateral female submission and a lack of male accountability led to suffering and spiritual bondage. Mutual submission and mutual accountability led to freedom and spiritual growth. There is no question in my mind or for those who know us what is truly the Biblical way.

When I discovered Biblical equality, it rocked our relationship. He fought it tooth and nail, and he did all kinds of things to try to force me back into line (although he will deny this if you ask him!). When he realized I wasn’t tolerating the old routines anymore, he finally started getting serious about making necessary changes in his life. At the same time, Biblical equality rebuilt my own faith in God and put me in a position to straighten out a lot of flawed theology.

So what happened? My former non-reader SO is now studying apologetics like crazy and spending more time in bookstores than I do (that’s saying a lot). Even though he still doesn’t quite “get” Biblical equality, he’s starting to read CBE journals and think about what it all means. He’s treating me better, recognizing my strengths, and finding his own strengths. We switched churches. Most importantly, we’re tying the knot next spring. None of that could possibly have happened if I had stayed in the old ways and never learned about Biblical equality.

My husband tends to be passive aggressive. I tend to be co-dependent. Who am I going to be corrected and encouraged by if its not him? And who is he going to be corrected by and encouraged by if it’s not me? No-one else is going to do it, because no one else loves him enough.

If I really love him, then I will tell him the truth. And I’ll do it in a way that shows I really love him. The two – love and truth – work most effectively in combination with each other.

Since we’ve started to do this, and have committed to truth telling in love, our marriage has improved 100 per cent.

I don’t think my friend even knows the language of enabling. I try to recommend ‘How People Grow’ or Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend to people. They are really wise with marriage and relationships, without any of the ‘submit’/'headship’ language that can confuse people. Instead they just go for the biblical principles of love and truth.