I am in the process of reading, personal study, and prayer, along with the typical motherhood, and starting a private practice for speech therapy. My husband still believes that I am rebellious. My prayer for him is that he, too, will study the Scriptures closely. My greatest hope is that he will become egalitarian in his beliefs. Who knows what the future holds, but we simply need to take it one day at a time. After all, the Lord promises to take care of our daily needs - and I trust him to keep his promises.

Thanks again!

In the summer of 2000, I moved to Texas and joined a large SB church in my city. It had been recommended to me because of its strong singles’ program. I attended the church and loved it. The people were wonderful and I made a lot of friends.

At the time I joined, I heard rumbling about some disagreement over some “faith statement.” However, having not been raised SB, I figured it was an internal denominational matter and didn’t pursue it. Only after I married and moved to Great Britain in 2004 did I learn that the disagreement was over women! You see, my church never talked about gender issues. Never. They had an all-male staff, so I kind of figured they frowned on women ministers. But they simply never made any big deal about gender issues, so I didn’t know it was a big deal with the rest of the SBC.

Fast forward to the present. My husband and I are getting ready to move back to my old city in the States, and I am really torn. I love my old church, but I simply can’t attend on a regular basis anymore. Not now that I know what the SBC thinks of women. I was particularly horrified by the Sherri Klouda affair* earlier this year. I simply cannot pay tithing money to a denomination that would treat a woman in such a disgusting manner.

So my husband and I are thinking of a compromise. My parents like to rave about the non-demom church that they attend. If this church treats women well, then we’ll probably settle into it, too, and simply visit my old church occasionally to stay in touch with my friends. I’m running through a whole gamut of emotions, however: sadness that I can no longer fellowship with my friends on a regular basis, anger that I had to make this choice, etc.

As for your personal situation, Loren, I agree with JLP (60158). I would continue with your outward life, but privately grow strong in your egalitarian beliefs. If the opportunity arises, discuss your beliefs in a loving and non-confrontational manner. Otherwise, I wouldn’t make a big deal about it or it will just bring division and unhappiness into your life.

I wish I could reccommend a book called [em]Dance of the Dissident Daughter[/em] to you, since it mirrors your situation. The author Sue Monk Kidd was raised a Baptist and married a Baptist minister. She really became unhappy with the patriarchal teaching of her church, and went on a journey of self-discovery away from them. Her husband was very uncomfortable with this at first and resisted, but eventually came around when he saw how much more at peace his wife was when she resisted the patriarchal system. Unfortunately, the author turned to Goddess-worship, which is why I won’t urge you to read it. I don’t want you to get in trouble with your husband.

Here is an egalitarian discussion website you may find encouraging:

http://www.equalitycentral.com/forum/YaBB.pl

You may want to go there to converse with other egalitarians over your dilemna.

I’m a former SBCer myself. I was ordained in an SBC church only 4 months before the latest BF&M said you couldn’t do that anymore.

One possibility is to look into other Baptist organizations. CBF and Alliance are both ones I’m familiar with and could recommend. Though I do not know that I’d be able to continue to attend a church that believed I was inferior either.

I have to admit, I don’t know what I would do if I were in your shoes. Please know that I will add you to my personal prayer list. I’d also be glad to talk with you. If you want to get my e-mail address from the moderators, I give them permission to give it to you.

I made a mistake in the past. I’ve been impatient with people who disagreed with me on egalitarianism. I’m glad I shared my egalitarian beliefs, but I wish I had been much more pleasant in the way the I did. In case you are at all like me (and you may not be), be as patient as you can with your husband on the egalitarian issue. This is one issue some people need time (even years) to adjust to.

The key is to be willing to disagree about the issue, and yet be kind to those who are angry at you for no longer holding the traditional views about women.

Have you thought about seeing a counselor who understands the situation you are in? One who understands both the Southern Baptist church and egalitarianism? One who can hopefully help you work through your dilemna.

I’m glad you shared your beliefs with your husband. If he has believed this way for a long time it may take him a while to understand them.