The CBE Scroll

“There’s a video I want you to see,” my roommate Kate told me earlier this week. “I think it might be really bad.”

Of course that piqued my interest. “Bad” You Tube videos come in many different flavors: Would this video be poor quality, offensive, or just plain bizarre? With wide eyes and low expectations, I turned toward Kate’s computer.

As it turned out, the video’s humor was based on a grossly exaggerated negative stereotype of a U.S. American man of one culture hitting on a woman of another at the cinema. Kate had been introduced to the clip after the Bible study she co-leads, and while she chuckled at it ridiculousness, she found it completely offensive, inappropriate, and unfair.

Against the opinion of many friends, I agreed that the video was racist, and I was frustrated the skit had aired on a major television network. However, after further consideration I realized it does convey a sliver of truth. Even if its portrayal of women and men of certain cultures is inaccurate, it shows that someone somewhere finds the way certain men relate to certain women disgusting. This focus on supposed differences can lead us to consider a larger issue at hand: If not as the video portrays, how do we behave when we’re interacting across both gender and cultural lines?

Every (sub-)cultural group has its own flirtation norms, meaning that when individuals of two cultures interact, they’re often playing by two sets of rules. Men and women are frequently on separate pages already, so compounding that existing divide with an ethnic-or class-based cultural gap can make communication quite complex, especially when it comes to initiating (or stalling) romance.

I think for us as egalitarians, these cultural differences make life pretty darn tricky. Sometimes the male-female scripts of a particular culture don’t seem to match up with my egalitarian ideals, and it’s easy to rush to (sometimes inaccurately) label others as sexist. My lack of cultural fluency sometimes leaves me confused about whether a man is hitting on me or how I might respond appropriately, which might in extreme situations lead to cases of potential sexual harassment, as one culture would define. And obviously, ignorance paired with prejudice leads to the kind of media portrayal we saw in this video.

The long-term solution, I think, is to pair our work for local and global gender equality with intentional efforts to understand people that are culturally different from us. As we get to know them and better get to know ourselves, we’ll be able to live together with less miscommunication. Greater clarity in all relationships will benefit cross-gender relations, as well, as we begin to understand the rules that dictate flirting, friendship, and the like. Plus, confusing—even offending—each other gives us practice embracing patience and grace.

In the meantime, any thoughts on navigating male-female interaction across the cultural divide?

I think there’s nothing more important than revision. When God matures us and leads us to a new vision or better understanding, we must revise our way of thinking even if it’s a complete embarrassment to ourselves. Looking back on my life, I can see so many times when I was sure of a thing and then it turned out differently. I don’t have regrets about following Him down those paths because of the lessons I learned as a result of them, but it’s funny how in the end, it was not as I was so convicted about.

For example, having an egalitarian view for marriage and the church is completely different than what I had taught and been so convinced about for so long. Only a few years ago, you would find me teaching that men should lead and women should follow. I taught it quite passionately — but even so, what always bothered me was that it always required so much defending. I saw the difficulty in the position when it came to couples who didn’t fit the mold. What about couples where the wife is the more naturally gifted leader and the husband, the follower? “Well,” it was explained to me, “the wife needs to hold back and give the husband a chance to lead.” That sounded all right to me theoretically (after all, the wife has the opportunity to ‘deny herself’), but in practical terms, I saw that it just meant that the wife would continue to come up with the ideas and visions and then have to prod and persuade her husband toward those ideas. It often becomes a subtle game of manipulation as she convinces him that something was his idea, because if she were to remain silent (in order to not lead), then they would not go anywhere. But as I have seen it, the wife rarely stays silent in this situation. The reality is that most couples end up having a more egalitarian marriage than they would profess. It just wouldn’t work if pure hierarchy was the modus operandi. God really has given women brains, gifts and visions — and without her voicing them, a couple really might possibly miss out on God’s will.

I can see though how despite encountering these real-life obstructions to the complementarian mindset, revision might not take place. When I think of a Christian community which I was involved with for many years, I just think of how its culture is built on the hierarchical way of life, and if things were to change, it could cause the whole structure to crumble.

To revise when God gives you new revelation requires true humility and courage. It means you have to admit you were wrong somewhere — and it means you need courage to step forward in a whole new direction.

In what ways have you had to make revisions in your life as you have followed God in your journey toward biblical equality?

Recently I happened upon an interview from Christianity Today with the new President and CEO of evangelical publishing giant Zondervan. To my surprise, “Moe” Girkins’ first name is actually Maureen, and she is a proven leader in the technological sector, as well as a current MDiv student at Trinity Evangelical Seminary—not exactly who I would have pinpointed as the company’s top choice.

I’m really excited about Girkins for two reasons:

First, she’s a woman. And not only that, but a woman with experience in other male-dominated industries. I would expect this gives her a healthy awareness of gender dynamics in the workplace—including the unfortunate existence of sexism—as well as the confidence to take charge at Zondervan, regardless of how she’s received (though I hope it’s warmly!). I am quite interested to see how a female CEO shapes publishing decisions, as well as the company’s character as a whole. I’m not sure this is a “first,” but it’s certainly a big step in the evangelical world!

Secondly, I’m thrilled for an individual with both theological training and outside-the-bubble experience to be leading a Christian publisher. As much as I love Christian publishing, I think that much of the industry is theologically underdeveloped or irrelevant to anyone who didn’t grow up in church. I think Zondervan already, however, publishes some really quality work, and Girkins could be just the person to help take that to the next level.

Supporting women in ministry has been an important concern of CBE members and other Christians for many years, and I’ve been encouraged to also see several discussions of gender justice, more broadly, of late. Still, with all the girls that need to go to school, all the sex traffickers that need to be prosecuted, and the like, the business world is one of the areas that can be neglected  in our conversation. I find that unfortunate. While it might not feel as urgent or glamorous as fighting inequality in poverty-stricken areas, there’s still a great need for change in how we do business.

Can you even imagine what would happen if all Christians saw advancing women in the workplace—and through their for-profit work—as part of their responsibility as followers of Jesus? Christians would be part of the vanguard, that’s for sure! Truly just business is something quite foreign to our world and offers so many unexplored avenues to building God’s kingdom. As we celebrate Zondervan’s news, may the rest of us consider how we might prayerfully do our own part to make a difference.

In the meantime, thank you, Zondervan, for bringing this issue to our attention. And congratulations, Moe!

Mutuality magazine is currently accepting article queries for the autumn issue “Children of God.”

Article ideas include but are not limited to: How convictions about biblical equality and gender justice apply to raising children • Egalitarian approaches to helping kids develop healthy gender identities • Modeling equality for our kids • The importance of investing in the next generation • Egalitarian approaches to family devotions • What it means for men and women to be children of God • Voices of young people working for gender justice.

The “Children of God” issue would also like to feature art created by young people and children. Art submissions should be colorful and focus on themes of God, gender and ethnic equality, and/or children. High resolution versions must be available.

Contact Megan at mgreulich (at) cbeinternational (dot) org with article queries or art submissions. Article query deadline is June 11.

In addition, Priscilla Papers journal is searching for academic articles on the Trinity and gender, particularly from female authors. Send article submissions to cbe (at) cbeinternational (dot) org.

Thank you!