The CBE Scroll

Comment by Shefflara

December 27, 2008 @ 10:15 am

The light went on for me about servanthood not leadership, being the correct application of Biblical submission, as I read a book by Jeff VanVonderen who explained grace and submission in a way I never heard of before. I had always heard submission in a hierarchal sense. More importantly, the abuse of women became apparent, as well as their suppression overall. The stories that should be told are all around us. I finally divorced a cruel, domineering man after almost becoming convinced by him that I had no reason to exist, other than to be despised and used and ridiculed by him. When I had gone for advice even before things got very bad, my male Christian pastors and counselors advised couples counselling, which my ex attended but laughed at later.
As I explained threats being made to me to one pastor, he had no response. He said he would call me for another appointment, but never did. My last visit at the time of considering divorce was to get help for me and my son, whom my ex was verbally and emotionally abusing as well. The new Christian counselor did not think it necessary to counsel my son, and advised me that divorced women have a high probability of going into “abject poverty.” (this counselor was a male).
It was actually a woman lawyer, who was not my final representative, who pointed out the damage that was occcuring to me and my children, and that it was ok to flee from it.

Another true story is of my neighbor who lived across the street from me. We heard she was being physically abused. This woman went to her priest considering divorce, but was told to stay in the marriage. She later died from a fall from her second story window, which went unexplained.

Then there is my own mother, who was being cheated on by my father. She went to her pastor, a man whose advice was for her to dress up and throw her arms around him when he came home after work (even if it was 12 midnight and he was drunk). My mother finally divorced my father years later, but her confidence suffered greatly for it.

My point is not to bash men or encourage divorce, just to let any man or woman know that God loves us all equally, and my hope is that no one be convinced by another that he or she is inadequate in the relationship, as I was, until I was given the loving definition of submission, found in God’s word, and I believed it was for me.

My second point is that this manipulative idea of submission, that the woman is under the male is a very detrimental view within the Christian church; it promotes suppression and from my observations, ignores the problems of abuse. Of course, there are female pastors out there who are helping to set things right. There are too many male Christians, as couselors and pastors, who seem happy to hold onto their leadership-submission view. That’s just my experience as drawn from the stories above. My hope is to find a local church where women are leading the church in a very obvious way, where all the leadership positions are not exclusively male and there is real sanctuary from pain and abuse. I am thankful for this website also, and for the both male and female Christians who continue to spread this message of equality.

Comment by j

December 27, 2008 @ 1:13 pm

somedays I lose hope that God is just and that he is interested in a woman.

I am in a more transitional faith community in which there are some who validate women and others who do not. That makes church and denominational leadership skiddish on the issue and subject to conflict or conflict avoidance. Injustice goes underground and becomes more covert and anything around women increases the anxiety level in a congregation or among a group. That makes it hard for women to get paid work in ministry and the pickings are slim and the pay is quite a bit lower or even non-existent, and there are few mentors and coaches.

I often feel misunderstood and am at times suspected of things I would not do or motives I do not have.

I try to share my feelings on the struggle but then I am weak or disgruntled. I want to be believed and heard.
I would like empathy.

I guess it’s just a bad day today – other days are way better. I think I just want to be heard and have my story told even if I share few details. I know that another day I will be more positive and have more hope but today,
I just need a community who gets it.

Comment by Liz

December 27, 2008 @ 5:29 pm

Thank you Shefflara for sharing those very sad stories. Some may say that these accounts are exceptions but we know they are not. This sort of suffering is so very common. Even if it was rare for a woman to be abused in these ways, we would need to stand against it strongly as each person is uniquely valuable and worth defending.

This community on the Scroll is intended to be a place where you can feel safe J and a place where your story is valued and people will take you seriously. Let us all encourage one another and also educate those who have different opinions so that the Christian church can be the healing community Christ wants it to be.

Comment by JLP

December 27, 2008 @ 5:57 pm

J

Remember Christ rose first to a woman. Some people want to discount this and ridicule those who mention it. But it did happen. And it should not be discounted, and those who mention it should not be ridiculed.

Read the example of Christ’s interaction with women in the gospels, and it will help you deal with those who want to mimimize the value of women to God.

Comment by Francine

December 28, 2008 @ 9:14 pm

J There was a time I too thought that God didn’t care about women, but when I started to really study the women in the Bible I found that God is very inerested in women. There are well over 200 women in the Bible and they are mentioned not because they were just wives and mothers, but for what they did for God, their households, their cities and their country.