The CBE Scroll

This account is the testimony of Liz Beyer, the CBE bookshop co-ordinator

My life was a series of contradictions before I confronted the issue of biblical equality. Growing up, my family went to a restrictive church, but my parents were very egalitarian. They encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to do. From the outset, the church sent one message, my personal life sent another.

Life turned around when I became a Christian. My relationship with Jesus was joyful and full of possibilities, but the church I was attending kept putting restrictions on how I could express that. I wanted to study Scripture and teach; to tell everybody what God had done in my life! But once I started going to church again, I encountered walls – ‘you can’t’ ‘there’s no place’ or people would literally ignore me when I spoke!

During this time I got married and struggled with the issue of submission, which in this case meant doing what others told me to do. I found that I was trying to live under multiple masters. Jesus said that a person can only have one master – God. Yet the voice that was speaking in my heart was the one I listened to the least! I found that I was walking through a maze trying to figure out what messages I should obey.

We didn’t have kids for 6 years, which made me an outsider- the subtle message in my church was that to be ’spiritual’ was to have many children. I wanted to go to medical school but didn’t go because of the messages I received about my role as a woman. If I obeyed others ‘in authority over me’ I was told I would also be obeying God.

25 years later, I was severely depressed. I saw no future in the church, I had foregone my chances at education, my marriage was in shambles and there seemed to be nothing worth living for except my kids – all because I had an incorrect understanding of biblical submission. The ramifications of the church’s teachings in my life were misleading and very damaging. I finally realised that I needed to know just who I was in God. I literally had nothing left to lose. My sister put me in touch with CBE and I found the materials I desperately needed! I began to read Katharine C. Bushnell’s “God’s Word to Women” and it was like a salvation experience all over again. I went from death to life, when I learned what the Bible really says! CBE literally saved my life!

Before I was connected to CBE, I had lost everything that had any meaning, including my dignity as a human being. To all the authors who spent their time and money, along with those who have endured the costs to health, family and work to seek the truth, I want to say thank you! You are a prophetic voice to the world. I believe there will be many people in heaven who will line up to shake your hand, give you a hug and tell you how your writing changed their lives. Most importantly, our Lord will say “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter in to the joy of your master!”

It would be good to hear others’ stories of how they came to see things differently and how it changed their lives. Every person is unique and yet there are similarities in the story – it sounds familiar!

“… the righteous will live by their faith” (Habakkuk 2:4, NRSV)

Even before South Africa began to dismantle apartheid, Desmond Tutu did something very profound. Though he had no official platform or office, though he was without institutional power, he invited his opponents to join him. He treated them as colleagues who one day would work together as equals. His actions were prophetic and filled with faith in God’s redeeming work in our world. His actions reminded me of another story I heard recently, from the front lines of the gender debate within the church.

A scholar working at an institution unsympathetic to biblical equality quietly shared his journey away from gender-hierarchy. He said that though he had grown up in a church that gave authority in the home and church to men, he had recently reconsidered his position because of an act of kindness shown him by an egalitarian leader. He was scheduled to present a paper at a conference when suddenly he found himself without a projector. A prominent egalitarian offered hers. This simple act spoke louder than many books! It said to him that we are questing after the same goal—biblical truth. We are redeemed by the blood of the same Savior, and together we constitute the body
of Christ.

He also told me that the schools where he was trained were not only suspicious of egalitarians, the schools questioned their faith and integrity. Thus, when an egalitarian treated him with kindness, caring for his immediate needs, he began to question whether theological assessment of egalitarians was also in error.

Friends, Desmond Tutu knew apartheid would crumble. Egalitarians feel certain that the biblical message of mutuality, of shared leadership, will be victorious. Because of this, we can in confidence walk in newness of life because, though we greet this promised-land at a distance, it will be our home, a home we will share with all of God’s people.

Imagine a sanctuary filled with teachers and students of various ages singing:
            “It’s the child on his wedding day,
             It’s the mommy that gives him away,
             Something beautiful”
A child on his wedding day… given away. Pause for a moment and think about that. Young, teenage boys married off to older, wiser, and more mature women… mothers handing over the care of their sons to other women… sons never allowed to become fully functioning adults but instead, entrusted to the parental-type care of a matriarchal wife who will always decide what is best for her husband. Would you find this strange and alarming? 

While I’m sure that the above, altered version of a currently popular song would sound very bizarre to our ears, the real lyrics seem to invoke a sweet and innocent nostalgia when the gender is reversed. 

Recently, one of my children invited me to attend her school’s weekly chapel where this song was part of the program. As the students and teachers sang, I chose not to sing along because it conjured up images, for me, of immature brides being given away like merchandise. I grasp that for many people it is nothing more than an innocent, sentimental, figurative description of a daddy letting go of his beloved daughter. Because I understand that the musicians are generally supportive of gender equality, I think that they simply did not think through all of the possible ramifications that these particular words could convey. So while I comprehend that these lyrics were just meant to evoke happy memories and to romanticize “traditional” wedding ceremonies, I can’t help to also perceive that these lyrics may work to devalue women. Consequently, it does not leave a beautiful picture in my mind.

There is within present-day Christianity those who glorify patriarchal families which treat women like perpetual children who will always need adult male guardianship. Men are viewed as the analyzing, discerning brains of the family who get to hear directly from God, while women are viewed as the tender, nurturing heart of the family who get to hear their husbands tell them what God’s will is for them. So the choice of the word “child” in this song causes me to picture a childlike bride who still needs adult supervision and guidance from her more mature groom. Personally, I think it would be better if Christian songs conveyed that the bride is a consenting adult on her wedding night.

The “giving away” of the bride, while figuratively representing the daddy “letting go of his little girl,” can also be a stark reminder of girls who are still literally given (or sold) away. Whether figurative or literal, it still expresses that the bride is a possession even if her daddy has cherished her. The groom is not correspondingly “given away” to his bride. Since free human beings are not possessions, then is the bride not fully human or is she permanently enslaved to men? During the traditional wedding ceremony, the bride is usually walked down the aisle by her dad and delivered over to her awaiting groom. No parallel symbolism occurs for the groom leaving his family. Also, it is the cultural norm for the groom to retain his family name while the bride usually loses or “leaves” hers. Compare these cultural traditions with Genesis where we are told that “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 TNIV)

by Mary Ann and Sam

Mary Ann:
Did you know there was a man in biblical times who took his wife’s family name?  In Nehemiah 7:63, a man is mentioned named Barzillai, who had married a woman who was a descendant of Barzillai of Gilead and had taken her family name.  He changed his name to hers!  When a friend first mentioned this, I thought she was kidding.  Isn’t it practically biblical for a woman to take her husband’s name when she gets married? The answer, surprisingly, is no!!  It’s western tradition, but it’s not biblical.

When we first got married, Sam and I really wrestled with the name change (some of you may remember that I blogged about it).  We wanted to be able to represent the uniqueness and individuality which God gave to us both while also representing the oneness.  But how could we represent both of our identities, both of our ethnicities and both of our backgrounds?  He didn’t want me to give up my name.  I didn’t want him to give up his name.  But practically speaking, it seemed much better to have the same last name.

Sam:
In our marriage, there is mutual submission because we believe in Biblical equality (Eph 5:21).  Each spouse has equal footing in all aspects of marriage. We have equal value and equal input in everything. When one of us sees a need, that one fills it. If dishes need to be washed and Mary Ann is tied up, I’ll do them, and vice versa. (Most of the time, we do it together because we love spending that time together.) The same goes for laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping — everything. We make all decisions together, big or small. If we’re stuck at an impasse, we’ll talk it through until we’re at mutual agreement. I have no desire or need for veto power (which by the way, I think that “veto power” is a terrible idea if you want harmony in your relationship).  I am no better, smarter, privileged, or more valuable than she is, nor she than I. God made us equally in His image, and we are both intrinsically valued.

So because we are equals, when it came to deciding what to do about our last name, I had to humbly ask myself who was I to say that Mary Ann had to drop her last name and take mine? It’s the same effect as asking of myself, would I be willing to drop my last name and take hers? That thought didn’t sit well with me when I thought about it initially, because it made me realize how drastic of a change it is to lose your last name. The dilemma we faced was, whose name would be dropped? We eventually realized that there was a way to not have to drop either last name but, rather, to include them both.

Mary Ann:
Most people (Christians, mainly) don’t really think twice about having the woman change her name.  And if Sam was a lesser man, he might have set his manhood on a need to brand me with his name.  However, his determination in our having an “inclusive name” (he coined that phrase) despite the challenges and difficulties of changing his name (with the California legal system) and whatever flak he may incur from traditionalists has augmented my admiration of him as a man.  Through this journey, I have learned that he is unflappable in his purpose when he is certain about a course of action, he is confident in who he is as one who answers only to God and not anyone else, and he is secure in his manhood.  He has made me adore him even more so than ever, and I am so proud to share a name with him.

A few weeks ago, he and I both officially changed our name.  We both added the other’s surname to our own to make an inclusive name (someone else would call it ‘hyphenated’).

Sam:
We decided on her surname first and then mine because it has a nice ring to it. I like it. Not only does it represent both of our identities, but it also represents our new family — a product of diversity and a blending of two cultures.

A minister without the right gift: that was Mrs. Doll. I knew her in the church where I grew up. She prepared the bread and wine for the communion services and, every few weeks, sang a “special” during Sunday morning service.

Let me be clear: Mrs. Doll couldn’t carry a tune in a semi. Her gifts in the musical area were all under someone else’s Christmas tree. As a child, I dreaded her standing behind the pulpit to sing.

As a teen and adult, I looked forward to it. You see, her non-gift let the Spirit give me a gift: to get past the noise to the harmony with God on Mrs. Doll’s face and in Mrs. Doll’s life. Then, I saw her gift. I saw a farm woman who had dealt with a hard life and had in turn given much of herself to others with hard lives. And, I saw a woman who had a deep desire to praise her God in front of His people. In front of her people.

Her gifts were faith and love, what I’ve sometimes heard called “helps.” Her ministry was almost invisible, being done mainly in her home and the homes of others. God chose to have her express her love of God to her church, and to me specifically, by humble singing and humble living. I don’t think she could have sung in a large church. But, God placed her in a small one so she could minister in worship services with her nearly-non-gift.

When we think of giftedness, we sometimes get all caught up with who gets to give the sermons, perform marriages, etc. As churches, we need to be seeing to it that everyone is getting to use their God-given gifts, even seemingly itty bitty gifts.

“…many who are first will be last, and the last first.” Mark 10:31 (TNIV)